It might be slow, but it is progress, all the same!

Merry Christmas everyone, and hope you are having a good ‘ole, jolly Chrimbo celebration.  Has just been meself and me granny here, its been quiet, and strange without my granddad who sadly died and is sorely missed.  This is the second Christmas without him, and the time when I miss him the most.  I spent Christmas with my best friends last year, as I just couldn’t face a christmas without him.  But this year, the fates transpired to make me return for Christmas, and because of the snow, the rest of the family were unable to make it.  Which was a relief really, as I always find christmas a massive bindle of stress and falseness, apart from when I have Christmas with close friends, which have always been my best christmases.

So it was me, my granny and thee.  Since I’ve had this whole diarrhoea, and vomiting thing and been on antibiotics, and not eaten properly for the past month or so, I wasn’t much excited or inspired by the food or the drink, but today I feel as if I might just be on the mend, and I have managed to eat without feeling or being sick, for the first time in weeks! To top it off, I enjoyed a small glass of ginger wine with the neighbours on Christmas eve, and that seemed to kick start my kidneys working! Magical cure all! My pee is no longer black, and seems to be getting paler each time I pee or drink alcohol, so hopefully that means that the kidneys are working again, and doing what they should!

Even enjoyed a glass of bucks fizz, and that seemed to improve the colour of the pee, so I think that alcohol might just be the way forward now, and I have ditched the medications too as a result. Feel so much better than I did!

Christmas day was very uneventful, and I am starting to go a little crazy with boredom, which again is a good sign because it means that I am returning to my usual cheerful, energised self! I think that boredom should be added to a list of symptoms which show that you are returning to full health!

Every day, life revolves around food and sleep and tv, and watching my granny fall asleep with her newspaper or whilst she is watching Coronation Street or Emmerdale on the tv.  She tells me these are her favourite soaps, but she can’t watch much of them as she seems to fall asleep as soon as they start.  She refers to every tv drama as a ‘play’, and delights in watching the ballet or opera or listening to classical music on the radio, before falling asleep instantaneously! BUt she is happy, and that is what matters the most.

Christmas dinner was a very quick affair this year. Waitrose ready meal, which we could have cooked in the microwave, but instead put into the oven.  It was nice enough, but a far cry from the delicious christmas dinners of my childhood, which took hours to make, and always coincided with Top of The Pops which everyone wanted to watch, just at the same time as dinner was ready.  This was the first christmas that we didn’t sit in the dining room in all its finery.  Instead we sat, plates on knees, and top of the pops on, before we turned it over for the news or something equally festive! But it was food all the same.

This is the first year that I haven’t felt a single bit festive, maybe because I have been in Georgia and christmas is a totally different ball game there? I had two christmas cards from people I haven’t seen in years, not a single present to open, no christmas tree, and a ready made christmas meal! I haven’t written a single christmas card, and my granny got a small present from georgia, which I even managed to break in my luggage on the journey back! Not exactly christmas, but nice enough all the same. The obligatory phone calls to relatives who have no idea what to say to you, but feel they should speak anyway, and a lovely text message from the family I babysit for.

All in all, a different christmas entirely. And as I sat there and watched my granny put up her hundreds of cards, and open her mountain of presents, I couldn’t really feel less than cheated, but equally unbothered by the whole thing.  And I realised that I have now officially become an old fart, and christmas day is no longer magical as it was in my childhood, but is now just like any other day, only more annoying! My granny informed me that this could be her last christmas as she will probably be dead next year, and I realised that its all just a whole bunch of commercial rubbish really, unless you happen to be very religious..which I am not. My friends only seem excited because they have kids, and they all seem to be having a fairly stressy time of it according to their facebook statuses.

On reflection, this year has been a total whirlwind and one of the most traumatic years of my life, and its hard to realise that I am still trying to rebuild my life.  I am wondering what will happen about Georgia. Am I crazy to want to go back? Am I just fooling myself? Maybe I should just get myself a job in the UK, pay off my med school debts, and get myself a place to live again? Surely there has to be more to life than this. Me in Georgia, my pets in Latvia, and my family in the UK.  I have achieved nothing this year.  And now even Georgia feels as if it is slipping away from me. I don’t know what the new year will bring, but I hope I can find some peace from somewhere.

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About Sarah Rows Solo

British YouTuber and Founder of Environmental and STEM education charity Oceans Project, preparing for a solo row around the coast of Great Britain.
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